Whoop there it is.

2012.

I honestly couldn't be happier that it is over.

It wasn't a bad year, but it wasn't a good one either.

There's been better.

The first 4 1/2 months of it were great.

Dance performances in January, Yogurtland every single day with the sisters

to just going out and having fun with friends or sisters!

My biggest treasure, the cutest little thing i have ever laid eyes on was born on January 27! 

That was defiantly the brightest thing of the whole year.

After April, well. Everything just went kinda down hill. 

Momma had to go to Mexico because my grandma got sick.

I had to go to summer school the first two weeks of summer. (i hate you drivers ed)

So i never did get the chance to go with jay to seven peaks!

After that, i just chilled.

Didnt really go out much. 

Just stayed home.. And you know.. Chilled.

I also was in and out of appointments with doctors.

Got a heart monitor on June 25. 

Poppa left to Mexico on June 26.

He left me and jay here while he went to pick my mom and brother up!

It was exciting. 

After almost 2 months of not seeing them, they were finally coming home!

They got here on July 6th.

Well as everyone knows. She passed away on July 8.

Woooorrst thing that has ever happened to my family.

Thats why i honestly didnt like 2012.

But hey, it did leave behind some great memories.

Not gonna complain about that. 

Everything in July was so weird.. 

We did go up to Idaho the last weekend though!

Seeing a bunch of drunk people dancing around, and seeing my whole family together.

It was so great.

I left to Californiaaaaa on august something.. I dont remember.

But it was great! Best trip.

My amaaaazing cousins were there with me everyday, and made it the best trip !

From beaches, to hollywood to universal studios.

Couldnt of asked for anything more.

Then school came along.. 

School sucks.

Lets leave it at that.

But there was some great things about it.

From all the friends you meet, to all the things you do.

I did go to Homecoming and sadies!

Greatest. They were the best.

Thanks to the amazing dates i had!
 David and Aaron!

Also to the very best friend i have had through it all. Beccaaaaaa.

The one the only burnt bean.

I couldnt have asked for a better best friend through this whole year.

It hasnt been very easy. 

But it is always nice having a good friend around.

Also to the good friends i made! Like kenna.. And jess.

Man, craziest girls, but also the greatest.

I got a job in November.. so this year, i also grew up.

Boo.
Christmas was spent well.
Welcoming the new year without my parents was strange though!

 I'm done writing. Enjoy my 2012 pics erryone. (Theres alot. sorry guysssss)

 Heeelloooo 2013.
Spent the very first day watching Pitch perfect..
Guys. I think i might like this year.
Might, though. dont get too excited.

I'm not gonna say "new year new me" because lets face it guys.. 

You stay the same. 

No changing.. 

Just your normal old self. 

Welp. Yep.
That was my year.
p.s. "I ate my twin in the womb."

This ones for you.

"A smooth sea never made a skillful sailor."

I read this quote the other day.. Honestly it couldn't be more true. 

Theres always gonna be something rough going on in your life.. And well. it gonna make you who you are.

Its gonna shape you. 

Thats what i like about life.. Yet i hate it.

I hate that you have to go through something bad. 

But i like the outcome.

You learn to not care, just to be your self. You also get alot stronger.

Big ol' plus to the good old life were living in. 

On another note.. Ive been thinking bout good ol' jay tons lately.

Not gonna lie, Its been a hard week. 

I'm at that whole uncomfortable stage.

Where tons is going on, yet i have no one to tell.

My emotions have been seriously jacked up.

I've been feeling sad, mad, happy, and just confused.

All at once.

What a joy!

I cant help but think of all the things we used  to do together..

Sister dates at yogurt land. Or the tacos.

The night before she passed away we had actually gone to go eat some tacos..

Greatest thing ever.

Our parents had gone to Mexico for that whole week before so it was just me and her on our own.

We usually wouldn't know what to do so we'd go eat somewhere.

Or she'd go out with her friends..

But she'd text me the whole time.

Such a peach right?

Kinda.. She'd also spend most of that week yelling at me cause im 16 with no social life.

Sorry im not as cool as you sis.

I had a heart monitor so she was on her toes most of the time with me.

It was really nice to see how much she cared for me.

She started working that week too so she wouldnt be home alot.

But there wasnt an hour where she wouldnt be asking me how i was doing.

She would come home and nap, (which bugged me cuz she could sleep the whole effing day)

then go out.. Well what a social bug she was.

I do remember one night though. 

I got home at around 12 and i was home alone..

She was coming home soon so i wasnt too worried.

Until someone came to my house and just sat in their car and stared.

I was home alone.. and there was a creeeper guy outside.

And i had some major pain in my chest and rib area.

What did i do?

Called her. 

I really didn't think of calling anyone else. I just thought i needed her.

She came home right away.

I was crying in pain. She stayed the whole night making sure i was alright.

Thats why i love her.

She cared so much.

Exactly one week before she passed away we were bored outta our minds sitting in the living room.

All we had done that day was watch t.v.

We decided to go out and do something!

We kinda wanted to go up to the canyon.. 

Both of us were really hungry.

So we spent like an hour debating on where to go eat.

We ended up at wingers.

Mostly because I had never been there before.

She parked horribly.

So the first part of dinner was me making fun of her.

Then we just sat there and talked. forrrr i think 2 hours.

It was really nice to just sit there with her.. 

I was supposed to go to Mexico that week with my parents.

I'm so glad i didnt. It gave me one full week of being with her.

Just her and i.

Her last week here.. And i got to spend it with her.

I'm so happy with the decision i made to stay.

I would of regretted it so much.

Missing my sister is one thing

Missing her voice and advice is another.

That uncomfortable stage i was talking about?

I'm quiet alot now.

I dont know what to think.

I just neeeeeeeeeeeeeeed to hear her voice.

I need to talk to her.

I miss all the advice.

This stage is gonna be going on for a while.

Its hitting hard.

Sorry if i'm not the same. or if i dont text back. or if im getting really boring to talk to.

I just don't have anything to say anymore. 

  

Well im done blogging.

I found pictures of me and jay.. So i decided to post them.

 Miss pulling her blond just to piss her off.

 Christmas last year..

Enjoyyy ya'llllll.

 

Be strong. Live on.

At one point in your life you will be put in a trial. Whether its good or bad, it will happen.
Some are put through trials they don't think they can handle. 
You are put in the position you are in because you are strong enough to handle it. 
What ever you are going through don't think you cant get through it. You are strong enough. 
No one really will understand what you are going through, only you know to what extent you can handle. 
Some people can handle more than others, and some people cant handle much.
No matter what you are going through, don't give up the battle, don't give up the fight. 
You may not think its worth it, or that you're not worth it. In all reality, you ARE worth it. You're worth much more than you think. Don't let something little get to you. 
Each moment in your life is special. Cherish it. Even the simplest thing as getting out of bed.
Cherish every little detail. It may not seem important right now, but later on you will realize how much of a blessing it was that day.

Cherish your parents.
Cherish your siblings.
Cherish your friends.
Cherish family.
Cherish every little thing that crosses your way.
This is coming from experience. 

I never fully knew how much I cherished my family, especially my sister.  Never once in my mind did I think I was going to lose her. Once our family was put in that position, we learned to cherish eachother more than anything in this world.
Something to that extent taught me how to cherish everything i had.
Don't wait for something that bad teach you how to love things. 
Show your appreciation towards anybody, while you can. You never know when your chance will be gone.

Everything happens for a reason. 
You're given a purpose in life. 
Only you know where you will go in life and how far you will go.
Believe in yourself. Thats what really matters. 

Cherish. Be strong. Live on.