gleam

Your smile continues to gleam.
The biggest and brightest ive ever seen.
You left this earth far to soon.
But for some reason every one knew.
You had yo go you needed the peace. Youd always question how great it would be to live in a world much different than the one that we see.
Your as calm as the deep gentle sea.
Its our turn now to see we need to let you be.
God chose your path
He determined your fate
Even though your gone.
You never left my side.
Youre living deep, deep down inside.
My heart aches for something is missing. Your life was set for something so great.
Youre watching over us.
So proud we should make you, we must.
You are guiding us through life. Oh my what a sight.
I'd like to share this with you.
Everything i see, you see as though you knew.
This isnt goodbye.
We will cry, dont be mad its part of life.
Your an angel now.
I hope that you see,
All the great things youve brought outta me.
You must now rest in peace.
Your memory will continue to gleam.
See you in heaven.
See you in peace.

Miss you.

Latina americana

Latina Americana, thats what they say.

Never seen as one of those teenagers out there doing the same.

I’ve been labeled, i've been judged.

To the people around the world, i'm just one of their little rugs.

They step on my dreams, they tell me i can't, not aware of everything i am capable at hand.

My parents came here to help us survive, why can they see what helps us strive?

You wont make it, you're not good enough, They test me, they push me.

But they don't see, everything i am setting out to be.

They don't see all this hunger i carry , Its the hunger to make me better than what they believe.

I wont be put down just for their sake, i've been through situations they wouldn't be able to take.

At the age of 16 i had to mature, seeing as though i lost something so pure.

My sister died in an accident so cruel, no one wants to believe it, even to this day.

My family spread apart, i was alone, I haven't felt complete since the day i was left here to mourn.

Suddenly those words became true.

The little rug feeling was coming out, out shining everything ive ever thought about.
I wont, i cant, everything was there.

Beginning to pull me, beginning to tear me.

Never in my dreams had i imagined my life to be this way.

What can you do when this is the price we all have to pay.

The pain you feel has you weak, all you can do is fall down on your knees.

You can say a word or two hoping some day it will come true.

At the age of 16 i've been labeled ive been judged, i've lost and ive loved.

You learn to grow, you learn to live, most importantly you grow patient with it.

I’ve grown angry, i've grown tired, i'm the same as before, but one thing's for sure, i'm more ambitious than ever before.

I will get to where i need to, not just for me, but for those few people who actually believed in my dreams.

I’m a minority, living between a majority, growing with them, never becoming like them.

My heritage taught me to push through the hate, show them whos wrong and i'm apart of something great.

We Will all rise, to be who we are, for we are driven by something so powerful, by far.

Culture

culture 

neglects the color

objects the race

simplifies its actions

accuses the face

refuses the consequences

claims self protection

kills another

blames the name

forgets the family

gets all the fame

hero for killing

disgrace to the game

what you did is done

blamed his age

shouting at you

no weapon in sight

yet you thought it was a fight

pulled the gun

shot him down

an innocent teenage boy gone

towns gone wild

looking for justice

no one will man up

they just judge us

peaceful protest

gone to hell

our protectors

set us up into sectors

brown goes here

black goes here

white is there

don’t you dare stare

a child is gone

no justification

just words in the air

all self proclamation

country fights for the peace

yet the protectors fight for their belief

belief that killing is right

the teenager had no right

town is in riot

all for a man

who didn’t realize 

the color on his face

the weapon he thought

nothing was there

that boy could of been his own

but he just thought

it won’t hurt to see him gone

hes not part of my own

living a life different from mine

i won’t do this alone

For everything!

To Janet: Over the course of these two years that you've been gone, you've still managed to show me how I should live my life. You taught me that life isn't easy, but things will always get better. Things will never be how they seem. People are going to say that they're going to be there for you, but they're going to disappear like everything else. You showed me that the ones who will stick around are the ones who actually will care enough to be there for you always. They'll look at you as though you're family, and treat you as their own. I cannot thank you enough for the people you have put in my life, for the lessons you've taught me, for the visits, for the tears. For everything in general. I didn't know that I was going to lose you as soon as I did, but it showed me that you will be there forever. Through everything you will be watching, not only me, but everyone who was important to you. Rest easy pretty one!

To my parents: Thank you for your constant yells, constant anger, thank you for caring about me. Thank you for showing me what life is like. Thank you for everything you do. Two years ago, you lost your daughter, yet here you stand. Standing taller than ever. I still remember telling you two the news, the news that your daughter was now gone, holding you both, as you cried. That was the only time I've ever seen either one of you so vulnerable, but I'm glad I did. It showed me that its okay to break down, because no one can be strong forever. I love you both, ill do anything for you two.

To Ale: Even though we are the biggest jerks to each other, I cannot thank the big man upstairs enough for allowing me to be your little sister. You were there during the toughest times, with two little ones, yet you're still pushing forward. I'm so proud of you for having stuck to school and graduating. I'm proud of the kids your raising, because they're going to be great people, just like their momma. I love you and your kids! Thanks for putting up with all my annoying ness, but hey, that's what little sisters are for right ? ;)

To Karla: Thank you for being one of Janet's closest friends. Thank you for being there for me, and listening to some of my most pointless rants ever! Whenever I go over you and your family make me feel like one of your own, except im white.. but its alright! Honestly you have been so strong these past two years. I'm so proud of you! You're one of the people jay put in my life for a purpose, and I cannot thank her enough for that! You have such a contagious smile, you deserve nothing but the best. Don't let people push you down, because we all know you will get right back up. You are strong, you wont be put down for them. That's one of the biggest things I admire about you.

To Becca: When all that happened, you and I were inseparable. We spent every living second we could together! It was such good times. Thank you for being there, even though I understand that you didn't know what to say, It meant so much to me that you would listen to me and all my pointless rants. Thank you for being my best friend. We don't hang out as much as we used to, but whenever we do, its like we never stopped. Your hair is too big, but your heart is even bigger. Seriously everything that comes your way, you're able to over come it. Shoot for the stars because you'll get there no matter what! I'm so proud of you for deciding on going on a mission. You will honestly be one of the best missionaries the field has ever seen. Give em heaven beccs.

To Ally: I cannot believe how strong you are. You have been through so much, and you're standing taller than ever. Honestly, I look up to you so much, no pun intended. I remember Jay talking to me about you. You were one of the last friends she made, but you had already made such a big impact on her life. She honestly loved you so much, and she continues to watch over you. You have such a sweet soul, and you're honestly one of the most genuine people I have ever met. I'm glad Janet met you, because that gave me the chance to meet you as well!

To Liss: LISSSSSSSS! I love you my whitey! Thank you for everything you have ever done for me and for everyone else. You have such a kind heart and your smile is so contagious. Whenever you're around I cant help but feel happy because you just give such a positive vibe! I remember jay taking me with her to watch you play softball, and man you are crazy good! You, as all of you, are so strong. you have been through a lot, and I cannot help but admire all of you!

To Jess: You are seriously the coolest, most chill person I have ever met! I remember driving you home, and us singing with Rhi-Rhi, making fun of all those lyrics. Seriously some of the best times we have had! I cant thank you enough for the letter you wrote me almost a year ago. With your kind words and your testimony, I don't think you realize how much of an impact that actually had in my life. I will always and forever be grateful for having met you and having you in my life!

To Kenna: I cannot believe that you're actually leaving us all so soon! Its crazy that after graduation, we all kind of went our own ways, but ill always be grateful for the memories I have with you! You're going to big places. The air force is extremely lucky to be having you there with them! You are the craziest, funniest person to be around. You are down to do anything, as long as its sane. Thank you for everything you've done kenna. You've made such a big impact in my life.

To Itzel: Yooooo friends since 8th grade, what up!! We have honestly been through so much, like, honestly, people don't realize how much we have actually been through together.. But I'm grateful we went through all that we did together! You helped me through things I didn't think I would be able to get over, helped me with certain things a lot of people wouldn't even bother with. You are one of the greatest influences in my life, and I only wish for the best in your life. You deserve nothing but that, I hope you remember that. Don't let anyone or anything push you down, because you deserve happiness, as does everyone else. Don't lower your self for someone who doesn't deserve someone like you.

To Alberto: Well, even though you don't realize it, you have helped me through so much. You're always there when I need someone to listen to my pointless rants. You're always willing to help no matter what the situation is. I've never had someone treat me with so much respect, and so much care. I will never know how to repay you for everything you've done, and everything that you will continue to do. I'm so glad I got the opportunity to meet you, and be with you. You've taught me a lot, more than you ever though you did. You are so strong, you are so brave. You are one of the people I will always look up to you in life. You are a big part of what makes me happy, and I cannot thank you enough for that.

That's it.

Even on the darkest days everyone seems to shed some light. When you're feeling like you can't keep going, your mind doesn't let you quit with out you knowing. You walk with your head held low and your chin held high, hoping people aren't wondering why. You keep a smile on your face but a frown on your heart knowing there is someone out there who tore it apart. You're holding it together for what seems to matter most, but in reality all they see is a ghost. They feel your presence but aren't aware no one understands you, even when you're there. You shed some happiness on those who need it, while they're left thinking 'don't you need it most?' All you have left to do, is go with what you love most.

Good, better best.

That's not good enough.

That will never be good enough.

You don't try your hardest.

Youre not doing a good job.

Youre failing.

Why cant you be like the other teenagers.

Why cant you study what I want you to study.

Why aren't you smart enough.

Why are you how you are.

Why don't you have friends.

Why cant you get a boyfriend.

Why are you sitting there.

Why are you so lazy.

Why cant you pick up after me.

Why cant you pick up your brother.

Why do you prefer to be anywhere other than home.

 

How am I going to be good enough, if you cant see all the good I try to do?

How will it be good enough if you've never seen me when I try?

How do you know im not trying my hardest when you've never encouraged me?

How do you know I wont pass?

How am I supposed to be like other teenagers if im just me?

How am I supposed to study something I don't have a passion for?

How am I supposed to be smart enough for you when you've never seen my education skills?

How do you know I don't have friends?

How am I supposed to get a boyfriend when everyone leads me on then leaves?

How do you know I didn't just clean your whole damn house?

How do you know if im lazy if youre never home?

How do you know if I don't pick up after you, if you cant notice what you ate that morning?

How do you know if I didn't pick him up, and hes just playing the back yard?

How do you expect me to love being home when all that goes on around here is you judging me?

Why cant you just accept me for who I am, and stop telling me to change.
Don't compare me to anyone else.
I AM ME.
You cant change that. You will NEVER be able to change that.
You never realize all the damage youre causing on me, but yet there you sit.
 

9 months

"Rest In peace Janet. I love you tons sis. I always will. You were the best example ever. I miss you"

"Jay.. You were such a good person. I can't express how I feel. You were always there.. No matter what. I remember when we were little in Mexico, wed always try to get money some how so we could go buy ourselves some candy.. I remember when you started junior high. You were so nervous, but excited. I'm glad I got to be with you at mountain view this year though. If anyone lived their senior year to ...the fullest.. It was you. With your amazing solo in your choir concert, to being homecoming queen, to winning that scholarship; and graduating. You had some pretty awesome times. You would always tell me about them.. I got pretty jealous because you had so much fun. You're still the same beautiful crazy sister I know. I know wed always fight and stuff, but were sisters. We still have that love for each other that no one will. You hate when people say your perfect, but man, can I say.. Your perfect just the way you were. If you were here right now, you'd probably be pulling out them jokes, being a weirdo as always. I'm going to miss your sombrero dance.. I'm going to miss you. You're forever young. I'm mot sad because you passed away.. Well I am.. But im more grateful that I got to spend these last few days with you. You're a great sister. My hero actually. You're now and always will be my guardian angel. If you saw how many people lover you, you'd feel so special. I know you do right now.. Probably looking down at us smiling at all the love towards you. It was gods plan. You're in a much better place now. Say hi to grandma for me. See you soon my angel♥. I love you more than you can imagine."

 

Janet's viewing will be from 10 - 5 tomorrow at the sunddberg - oplin mortuary. 495 s state street. Orem Utah.

"Janet's mass will be tomorrow at 10:30 am. 65 east 500 north Is the address. After church we will all go together to the cemetery. Please wear white. She never liked seeing black. She will love it."

"Saturday at the car wash there will be shirts that say "Janet Velasco sunrise Nov. 2 1993 sunset July 8 2012. " she grew wings and learned to fly." if you want one let me know. I only have 40 of each size. its 8 dollars, and its gotta be paid there. If you want one find me that day. Please and thanks"

"Jaaay. This week has been hard. So hard. Sunday we found out you had become an angel. The most beautiful angel ever. I had to break it to mom and dad.. I honestly don't know I did it.. But I did. You gave me the strength. We were surrounded by family and friends all day. You would of been so annoyed with everyone. On Monday.. The family got to ser you. Please forgive me for not being able to look ...for too long. I just can't wrap my mind around the fact that thats you. When I finally got the strength to go back in there with you, I couldn't cry anymore. I haven't fully cried since. You would of made fun of me for it.. Punk. I got a feeling that you were with me. You have been keeping me strong. After we saw you, we came home, and more family came.. Were Mexican.. Big family's. Duuuhhhhh. Tuesday came along and it was your viewing. Sooooo many people came to see you! You'd be amazed sis. It was crazy! We had my tio come down.. Everything. You got the family together. Just for you. Wednesday.. We had your church. You filled up the room. It was so pretty. I gave a little speech talking about you. Esos ojos de guacamole. I felt alot better.. After we all went to thw cemetery. Such a perfect spot for you. Your spot. So many people. They played "make you feel my love" by Adele.. It was so you. There was so many flowers! So many people. They all love you. We all do. We saw you go down.. It was hard. But we were strong. Everyone put a flower in with you. Then everyone left.. But we stayed behind to put the dirt on you. It was special because family got to do it. Your cousins. Your sis.. We came home and were just with family. You were here too! Today we went to go see you. Its decorated by your flowers. So many. Its pretty! Then we saw your other spot. It was hard to look, but im glad I saw it. I love you angel. Your the coolest cat I know. Im not sad your gone. Im happy I got to be with you. Test in paradise angel! And remember..... Yolo."

 

"If theres one thing I hate in this world. It would have to be motorcycles."

 

"I lost a sister, but I gained an angel"\

 

"Tomorrow will be exactly 20 days since you left us. I cant believe its been so long.. It kinda just feels like youre out with your friends like you would always be. Everyday just seems to get harder. But its making all of us stronger. I miss you sis. I dont look forward to coming home anymore, youre not here for me to tell you what happened in the day. I cant even text you to tell you something ex...citing.. I used to do that all the time. i miss hearing your crazy stories. You always had something different. Each day. I miss that. Even though you kinda didnt really like me sometimes, were sisters. Thats what we do. Its just so weird.. We only see you sundays now. Its becoming a family tradition to go visit you. Tomorrow were headed to idaho! you were so excited to go. It was the one thing you were looking forward too. I love you sis. Take care of us. Youre always close to the heart! Janet Velasco ♥"

 

"16 years ago today, we lost one of the most important person in our lives. I was only 3 months old, so i don't remember her, but from what i hear she was amazing. Even though i was to young to even know what was going on, i understand now. I never got to know you but I truely do miss you. Mostly because i would of like to met you. I love you grandmaaa! Watch over us. Youre with janet now! Love you both. Two little angels watching over us."

 

All this was said just 9 months ago. My post before this was saying how I love being Mexican because me and Jay went to go eat tacos that night.. And then the next day.. Well, that happened. Im incredibly blessed with my older sister as my angel. Now, I have 3. My grandma passed away in January. So I have three incredible women looking after me. How blessed am I? Don't take your family members for granted. Especially your sisters. You never know what can happen tomorrow. 9 months, and it still feels like yesterday. I love you sis! To the moon and back and forever and ever.