This ones for you.

"A smooth sea never made a skillful sailor."

I read this quote the other day.. Honestly it couldn't be more true. 

Theres always gonna be something rough going on in your life.. And well. it gonna make you who you are.

Its gonna shape you. 

Thats what i like about life.. Yet i hate it.

I hate that you have to go through something bad. 

But i like the outcome.

You learn to not care, just to be your self. You also get alot stronger.

Big ol' plus to the good old life were living in. 

On another note.. Ive been thinking bout good ol' jay tons lately.

Not gonna lie, Its been a hard week. 

I'm at that whole uncomfortable stage.

Where tons is going on, yet i have no one to tell.

My emotions have been seriously jacked up.

I've been feeling sad, mad, happy, and just confused.

All at once.

What a joy!

I cant help but think of all the things we used  to do together..

Sister dates at yogurt land. Or the tacos.

The night before she passed away we had actually gone to go eat some tacos..

Greatest thing ever.

Our parents had gone to Mexico for that whole week before so it was just me and her on our own.

We usually wouldn't know what to do so we'd go eat somewhere.

Or she'd go out with her friends..

But she'd text me the whole time.

Such a peach right?

Kinda.. She'd also spend most of that week yelling at me cause im 16 with no social life.

Sorry im not as cool as you sis.

I had a heart monitor so she was on her toes most of the time with me.

It was really nice to see how much she cared for me.

She started working that week too so she wouldnt be home alot.

But there wasnt an hour where she wouldnt be asking me how i was doing.

She would come home and nap, (which bugged me cuz she could sleep the whole effing day)

then go out.. Well what a social bug she was.

I do remember one night though. 

I got home at around 12 and i was home alone..

She was coming home soon so i wasnt too worried.

Until someone came to my house and just sat in their car and stared.

I was home alone.. and there was a creeeper guy outside.

And i had some major pain in my chest and rib area.

What did i do?

Called her. 

I really didn't think of calling anyone else. I just thought i needed her.

She came home right away.

I was crying in pain. She stayed the whole night making sure i was alright.

Thats why i love her.

She cared so much.

Exactly one week before she passed away we were bored outta our minds sitting in the living room.

All we had done that day was watch t.v.

We decided to go out and do something!

We kinda wanted to go up to the canyon.. 

Both of us were really hungry.

So we spent like an hour debating on where to go eat.

We ended up at wingers.

Mostly because I had never been there before.

She parked horribly.

So the first part of dinner was me making fun of her.

Then we just sat there and talked. forrrr i think 2 hours.

It was really nice to just sit there with her.. 

I was supposed to go to Mexico that week with my parents.

I'm so glad i didnt. It gave me one full week of being with her.

Just her and i.

Her last week here.. And i got to spend it with her.

I'm so happy with the decision i made to stay.

I would of regretted it so much.

Missing my sister is one thing

Missing her voice and advice is another.

That uncomfortable stage i was talking about?

I'm quiet alot now.

I dont know what to think.

I just neeeeeeeeeeeeeeed to hear her voice.

I need to talk to her.

I miss all the advice.

This stage is gonna be going on for a while.

Its hitting hard.

Sorry if i'm not the same. or if i dont text back. or if im getting really boring to talk to.

I just don't have anything to say anymore. 

  

Well im done blogging.

I found pictures of me and jay.. So i decided to post them.

 Miss pulling her blond just to piss her off.

 Christmas last year..

Enjoyyy ya'llllll.