Keeper

Soooo much has changed in these past months.
I started senior year of high school!
Its been kinda rough since I missed the first two weeks of school since I was in mexico.
But I wouldn't go back and change a thing.
I won Homecoming queen! just like jay did. I guess it just comes along through the generations.
Well, theres also this boy.
Im not gonna say his name. or anything.
im just gonna say what I feel.
Hes sweet, charming, handsome, respectful, grateful, funny, awkward, and last but not least, hes become a bit of my happiness.
I know weird to say since I have only liked him for about a month, but weve been talking since the summer and everything.
He was so cute and just would always text me, and me being me, wouldn't text back. Which is real bad of me, I know.
But what makes this better, is that it was so unexpected. it just happened.
No were not dating or anything.
But I have feelings for him.
Hes someone I wouldn't like to lose.
He opened up to me, in such ways I really couldn't imagine anyone doing that to.
No one opens up, to things in such a way, to someone they wouldn't trust.
Right?
When he opened up, it made me feel a bit closer to him.
Like I felt like I knew him a bit better.
I understood him.
We just happened to have gone on two dates this past weekend.
We killed two birds with one stone.
I didn't want a relationship my senior year, but after meeting with him, and talking with him, and just being around him, I sure wouldn't mind.
All this is coming from a girl who has never had true feelings for a guy.
Well at least never like this.
I get butterflies when I see him, I really want him to hold my hand, and I just get all giddy around him.
Uhhh that has to mean something right?
I told him that I surround myself with the people and things that make me happy, and he happened to be one of them.
I don't know how or why it came out, but it did. and im so happy it did.
He told me I made him happier, and he felt lighter since hes been around me.
K doesn't your heart just melt when you read that? because mine did while I wrote it.
Oh, he was also my homecoming date. And let me say. He looked good, and he was such a gentleman the whole night. yep.
The slow dances. Oh don't even. So cute.
Well.. I don't know if you can tell. But this one is a keeper.

gleam

Your smile continues to gleam.
The biggest and brightest ive ever seen.
You left this earth far to soon.
But for some reason every one knew.
You had yo go you needed the peace. Youd always question how great it would be to live in a world much different than the one that we see.
Your as calm as the deep gentle sea.
Its our turn now to see we need to let you be.
God chose your path
He determined your fate
Even though your gone.
You never left my side.
Youre living deep, deep down inside.
My heart aches for something is missing. Your life was set for something so great.
Youre watching over us.
So proud we should make you, we must.
You are guiding us through life. Oh my what a sight.
I'd like to share this with you.
Everything i see, you see as though you knew.
This isnt goodbye.
We will cry, dont be mad its part of life.
Your an angel now.
I hope that you see,
All the great things youve brought outta me.
You must now rest in peace.
Your memory will continue to gleam.
See you in heaven.
See you in peace.

Miss you.

Latina americana

Latina Americana, thats what they say.

Never seen as one of those teenagers out there doing the same.

I’ve been labeled, i've been judged.

To the people around the world, i'm just one of their little rugs.

They step on my dreams, they tell me i can't, not aware of everything i am capable at hand.

My parents came here to help us survive, why can they see what helps us strive?

You wont make it, you're not good enough, They test me, they push me.

But they don't see, everything i am setting out to be.

They don't see all this hunger i carry , Its the hunger to make me better than what they believe.

I wont be put down just for their sake, i've been through situations they wouldn't be able to take.

At the age of 16 i had to mature, seeing as though i lost something so pure.

My sister died in an accident so cruel, no one wants to believe it, even to this day.

My family spread apart, i was alone, I haven't felt complete since the day i was left here to mourn.

Suddenly those words became true.

The little rug feeling was coming out, out shining everything ive ever thought about.
I wont, i cant, everything was there.

Beginning to pull me, beginning to tear me.

Never in my dreams had i imagined my life to be this way.

What can you do when this is the price we all have to pay.

The pain you feel has you weak, all you can do is fall down on your knees.

You can say a word or two hoping some day it will come true.

At the age of 16 i've been labeled ive been judged, i've lost and ive loved.

You learn to grow, you learn to live, most importantly you grow patient with it.

I’ve grown angry, i've grown tired, i'm the same as before, but one thing's for sure, i'm more ambitious than ever before.

I will get to where i need to, not just for me, but for those few people who actually believed in my dreams.

I’m a minority, living between a majority, growing with them, never becoming like them.

My heritage taught me to push through the hate, show them whos wrong and i'm apart of something great.

We Will all rise, to be who we are, for we are driven by something so powerful, by far.

Culture

culture 

neglects the color

objects the race

simplifies its actions

accuses the face

refuses the consequences

claims self protection

kills another

blames the name

forgets the family

gets all the fame

hero for killing

disgrace to the game

what you did is done

blamed his age

shouting at you

no weapon in sight

yet you thought it was a fight

pulled the gun

shot him down

an innocent teenage boy gone

towns gone wild

looking for justice

no one will man up

they just judge us

peaceful protest

gone to hell

our protectors

set us up into sectors

brown goes here

black goes here

white is there

don’t you dare stare

a child is gone

no justification

just words in the air

all self proclamation

country fights for the peace

yet the protectors fight for their belief

belief that killing is right

the teenager had no right

town is in riot

all for a man

who didn’t realize 

the color on his face

the weapon he thought

nothing was there

that boy could of been his own

but he just thought

it won’t hurt to see him gone

hes not part of my own

living a life different from mine

i won’t do this alone

For everything!

To Janet: Over the course of these two years that you've been gone, you've still managed to show me how I should live my life. You taught me that life isn't easy, but things will always get better. Things will never be how they seem. People are going to say that they're going to be there for you, but they're going to disappear like everything else. You showed me that the ones who will stick around are the ones who actually will care enough to be there for you always. They'll look at you as though you're family, and treat you as their own. I cannot thank you enough for the people you have put in my life, for the lessons you've taught me, for the visits, for the tears. For everything in general. I didn't know that I was going to lose you as soon as I did, but it showed me that you will be there forever. Through everything you will be watching, not only me, but everyone who was important to you. Rest easy pretty one!

To my parents: Thank you for your constant yells, constant anger, thank you for caring about me. Thank you for showing me what life is like. Thank you for everything you do. Two years ago, you lost your daughter, yet here you stand. Standing taller than ever. I still remember telling you two the news, the news that your daughter was now gone, holding you both, as you cried. That was the only time I've ever seen either one of you so vulnerable, but I'm glad I did. It showed me that its okay to break down, because no one can be strong forever. I love you both, ill do anything for you two.

To Ale: Even though we are the biggest jerks to each other, I cannot thank the big man upstairs enough for allowing me to be your little sister. You were there during the toughest times, with two little ones, yet you're still pushing forward. I'm so proud of you for having stuck to school and graduating. I'm proud of the kids your raising, because they're going to be great people, just like their momma. I love you and your kids! Thanks for putting up with all my annoying ness, but hey, that's what little sisters are for right ? ;)

To Karla: Thank you for being one of Janet's closest friends. Thank you for being there for me, and listening to some of my most pointless rants ever! Whenever I go over you and your family make me feel like one of your own, except im white.. but its alright! Honestly you have been so strong these past two years. I'm so proud of you! You're one of the people jay put in my life for a purpose, and I cannot thank her enough for that! You have such a contagious smile, you deserve nothing but the best. Don't let people push you down, because we all know you will get right back up. You are strong, you wont be put down for them. That's one of the biggest things I admire about you.

To Becca: When all that happened, you and I were inseparable. We spent every living second we could together! It was such good times. Thank you for being there, even though I understand that you didn't know what to say, It meant so much to me that you would listen to me and all my pointless rants. Thank you for being my best friend. We don't hang out as much as we used to, but whenever we do, its like we never stopped. Your hair is too big, but your heart is even bigger. Seriously everything that comes your way, you're able to over come it. Shoot for the stars because you'll get there no matter what! I'm so proud of you for deciding on going on a mission. You will honestly be one of the best missionaries the field has ever seen. Give em heaven beccs.

To Ally: I cannot believe how strong you are. You have been through so much, and you're standing taller than ever. Honestly, I look up to you so much, no pun intended. I remember Jay talking to me about you. You were one of the last friends she made, but you had already made such a big impact on her life. She honestly loved you so much, and she continues to watch over you. You have such a sweet soul, and you're honestly one of the most genuine people I have ever met. I'm glad Janet met you, because that gave me the chance to meet you as well!

To Liss: LISSSSSSSS! I love you my whitey! Thank you for everything you have ever done for me and for everyone else. You have such a kind heart and your smile is so contagious. Whenever you're around I cant help but feel happy because you just give such a positive vibe! I remember jay taking me with her to watch you play softball, and man you are crazy good! You, as all of you, are so strong. you have been through a lot, and I cannot help but admire all of you!

To Jess: You are seriously the coolest, most chill person I have ever met! I remember driving you home, and us singing with Rhi-Rhi, making fun of all those lyrics. Seriously some of the best times we have had! I cant thank you enough for the letter you wrote me almost a year ago. With your kind words and your testimony, I don't think you realize how much of an impact that actually had in my life. I will always and forever be grateful for having met you and having you in my life!

To Kenna: I cannot believe that you're actually leaving us all so soon! Its crazy that after graduation, we all kind of went our own ways, but ill always be grateful for the memories I have with you! You're going to big places. The air force is extremely lucky to be having you there with them! You are the craziest, funniest person to be around. You are down to do anything, as long as its sane. Thank you for everything you've done kenna. You've made such a big impact in my life.

To Itzel: Yooooo friends since 8th grade, what up!! We have honestly been through so much, like, honestly, people don't realize how much we have actually been through together.. But I'm grateful we went through all that we did together! You helped me through things I didn't think I would be able to get over, helped me with certain things a lot of people wouldn't even bother with. You are one of the greatest influences in my life, and I only wish for the best in your life. You deserve nothing but that, I hope you remember that. Don't let anyone or anything push you down, because you deserve happiness, as does everyone else. Don't lower your self for someone who doesn't deserve someone like you.

To Alberto: Well, even though you don't realize it, you have helped me through so much. You're always there when I need someone to listen to my pointless rants. You're always willing to help no matter what the situation is. I've never had someone treat me with so much respect, and so much care. I will never know how to repay you for everything you've done, and everything that you will continue to do. I'm so glad I got the opportunity to meet you, and be with you. You've taught me a lot, more than you ever though you did. You are so strong, you are so brave. You are one of the people I will always look up to you in life. You are a big part of what makes me happy, and I cannot thank you enough for that.